Spare by Prince Harry (Review)

“The Heir and the Spare—there was no judgment about it, but also no ambiguity. I was the shadow, the support, the Plan B. I was brought into the world in case something happened to Willy. I was summoned to provide backup, distraction, diversion and, if necessary, a spare part. Kidney, perhaps. Blood transfusion. Speck of bone marrow. This was all made explicitly clear to me from the start of life’s journey and regularly reinforced thereafter.”

― Prince Harry, Spare

The review

I managed to get a copy of Spare — Prince Henry’s tell-all memoir — from my library without a wait. For reference, there’s now close to 1,000 people waiting for it. It only just came out this week, and — since I just finished the latest season of The Crown and Harry & Meghan, the duo’s documentary series, on Netflix — I decided to dive right into the nearly 16-hour audiobook, which he was compensated at least $20 million for (though some argue double that).

I’m really not sure if all Americans feel this way, but my awareness of the royal family before these shows and books was at a total and complete minimum. The concept of royalty has mostly been formed for me by A. fiction and B. whatever British history was taught in school (literally over a decade ago).

You might be reading this and thinking, “I don’t care, Natalie, just give me the tea about the book.” Fine, yes, I’ll move on, but I just want you to know that I came into this book — and the two shows — with a very clear impartiality. I literally knew and felt nothing toward the royal fam. Boy oh boy has that changed.

Buy the book here.

Initial thoughts

Prince Harry, admittedly undereducated, is not that good at writing, but he’s also not that bad. His book is divided into three parts — and I’ll write some more thoughts about each section below.

His reading of the audiobook is monotone and not overall enjoyable, but I still recommend this format. I just in general swear by audiobooks of memoirs when they are read by the author — I need the voice of the person, inflectionless or not.

Each section of the book is comprised of chronological short stories. I think the average length of each chapter was like 5 minutes — it moves fast and furious.

Since I listened and haven’t seen the physical copy yet, I’m not sure if there are photos included, but each part does have a lone photo on each section start.

This is not a spoiler-free review! I reference a lot of the details in the book.

Part 1: Out of the Night That Covers Me

Prince Harry begins his memoir… at the beginning. Well, the beginning as he remembers it, starting with his childhood. He was so young when his mother died (only 12!) so it doesn’t take long for him to broach the subject. He’s already witnessed the messy decline and dissolution of his parents’ marriage, and then he is told by his father, with no closure of ever seeing his mother again, that she’s been in an accident, and no, she did not make it out alive.

I am a child of the ’90s so I revere the heck out of Princess Diana. She was a bright light in the royal family, but internally, I think she was deeply depressed a left without any support — only one thing in her entire life gave her any happiness toward the end: Her boys.

The feeling was extremely mutual for Harry. He was deeply affected by Diana’s death, and he shows more than tells this in the memoir. He’s grieving for his mother on an international stage — all while being surrounded by people (the royal family) who, on at least some level, found her death convenient at the end of the day. The thorn in the crown’s side is laid to rest — the sentiment seems to be — sad, but let’s move on.

Harry, spoiler, doesn’t move on, and I think this loss drives almost every single one of his decisions for the rest of his life.

The saddest part of the loss is that, without closure (ahem, and therapy) and being so young, Harry is unable to even believe his mom is really gone. It’s not until his early 20s (!!!!!) that he comes to terms with her death. He believed for almost a decade, with all the hope of a child, that she was just in hiding, awaiting a time when it was safe for her to return to her sons.

This first part of the book spans his childhood to teenage years, which includes his early experience with the media. He recalls the paparazzi chasing his mom and brother in one terrifying car ride, as well as the early headlines cementing his “bad boy” persona, which, as Harry describes, was wholly fictitious. He even explains that some of those false headlines were left to go uncorrected because they painted Prince Charles in a more positive light — oh poor single dad Charles, left to deal with a rebellious son.

In general, this section also opens with a lot on the idea of being “the spare” — and how that notion deeply affected Harry but, at the same time, was completely normalized.

Part 2: Bloody, but Unbowed

The next phase of Harry’s life is his military service, which is outlined in part two. Harry is anxious to get started in his adulthood, so he skips further education and engages in a gap year — where he travels around and falls in love with relief work in Africa. I actually think he goes into a bit more details about this in the documentary.

This section also outlines the details of a few of Harry’s girlfriends. If we are to believe him, essentially every relationship ends due to the strain the paparazzi and media puts on each young relationship. I kind of don’t think any of these relationships were very serious anyways, but it is interesting to see the young Harry dabbling in romance. Just, meh, not that interesting of a part for me.

NOW, Harry’s narrative on his military service was fascinating. He literally served IN WAR and killed over 20 Taliban soldiers. Like, how did I miss this?? Why aren’t we talking about this? That he’s a freaking war hero? Oh but yes when he returns and tells someone in an interview that he did more than bunk with soldiers and dress the part, he’s villainized more than revered — a double standard that only us women can laugh ironically at.

It was really interesting to see how much Harry wanted to serve alongside his fellow soldiers, but couldn’t because once it got out where he was stationed, he put a bigger target on his company’s back. That, and the fact that being in the army made him feel more “normal” than ever before, kind of broke my heart a bit.

The rest of this section had some more of Harry’s travels, including a bit about his frostbitten penis, which was completely unnecessary. Just, why?!

The most relatable part of this book for me was how much Harry just felt stagnant in his life — after the military and watching his brother fall in love, get married, and start his family. After some partying in America — including with Monica Geller Courtney Cox — Harry is ready to settle down when he…. sees her. Meghan Markle.

Part 3: Captain of My Soul

TBH, I was quite impressed that the Meghan storyline doesn’t come up until past 70% of the book. She’s such a small part of it, which is very different from the documentary, and I found that refreshing. He does share — more briefly than I expected — the Harry and Meghan love story. It’s not anything new, since I just watched their show, but it sets the scene.

Then, we get the piping hot tea.

Harry explains how crazy the media gets about him and Meghan (again, this is much more a focus in the documentary), the early relationship with William and Kate and his new partner (the good, and the bad), and how the queen seemed to be A-ok with the relationship. Everyone was onboard until they weren’t.

I think that Harry — for the entirety of his life — had a growing resentment for being the “spare” of the family. I think it builded up to an unhealthy degree and he saw limited support from his family when the media got things wrong or he wanted a change, etc. He was expected to grin and bear it. And, for years, he did.

Then Meghan came along. I think he was maybe inspired or motivated by her to step up and fight for himself — and for them as a collective. I think he had a fierce need to protect her — because no one protected his mom and looked how that turned out.

I think a lot of the *big reveals* in the book were over exaggerated by early reports in the press (the irony). Some examples: That William and Kate “forced” Harry to dress as a Nazi (not at all how Harry described it, though he did write how none of them thought the outfit was problematic), that William brawled with Harry (yes, he described a scene where William gets violent, but he didn’t make it seem like that big of a deal), etc.

The biggest reveal for me was 100% how utterly brutal the process of leaving (ahem, getting forced out of) the royal family was. If we are to believe Harry, the intention was to serve the queen still but do it in a part time capacity. A win-win for everyone. This idea was absolutely shut down by the royals and their advisers — it was all or nothing, despite the feigned attempt at discussing the process.

Essentially, the royal fam pulled funding and security for Harry and his family right before the pandemic RIGHT out from under them. And, though apologetic, William did nothing to protect his brother.

So, yeah, if you eye rolled at the millions of dollars Harry and Meghan made off their show and this book — you might be a little more sympathetic knowing that the family pays millions annually just to the security team keeping them safe.

Final thoughts

Still, at the end of the day, I have the slightest bit of hesitancy to fully believe Harry’s account. It’s just the tiny bit of doubt because, well, it’s only his account. Also, and I know I’m not alone on this, but I don’t find the couple all that likable. But then again, Harry gets a spin doctor, so that makes sense.

Overall, I am on team Harry. It all makes sense to me — the math maths to me. I don’t see why he would lie about all the things the media got wrong, and I get why the crown plays with the public perspective as it’s convenient to them. And, I think Harry is a man who is deeply protective of his family after being greatly affected by the loss of his mother and the ideology of “the spare.” All this without any mental health treatment (until adulthood, that is — he now has therapy! yay!) and, in a lot of cases, acknowledgement of his challenges from his family.

So. Yeah. Those are my thoughts. I feel for the guy. I don’t think he wrote it in a “Oh, pity me!” way. The writing seemed emotionless, not aggressively attacking the crown. Never was I listening and think, “OK, cry me a river, entitled prince.” I absolutely do not glamorize being royal, are you kidding? It sounded like it suckd even before I read or watched anything about it.

I think he needed to write this book — for a few reasons ($$) — and I think the monarchy will be completely fine once the dust settles. Meanwhile, the press continues to be in a frenzy — completely validating Harry’s hatred of them.

(Photos via Unsplash)